B.a.Dops: Wal-Mart- Part Cinq

* Begin Scene*


* At the end of Part Quatros, B.a.D, Mizzle, and Jack Bauer we're heading for Wal-Mart central headquarters in Arkensas. B.a.D and Mizzle we're trying to find out why Wal-Mart was trying to destroy the Canadian economy, and Jack Bauer is along to help rid the world of them once and for all. Once inside, they stealth their way into a secret bunker at the center of the building. They open up the door to a secret room and go inside. Each are shocked by what they see. *

* Nuclear missles. Lots of them. *

Jack: ... My God.

... Jesus Christ.

... Holy macaroni.

Mizzle, now that was just weak.

What? You took the good serious responses.

Jack: Quiet. At least now we know what Wal-Mart is really planning.

This doesn't explain why they're trying to destroy the Canadian economy, though...

Jack: That doesn't matter now. All that matters now is...

* Shots ring out and Jack falls to the ground, dead. *

Jesus Christ!!!

My word!!!

... Mizzle...

Well, you always get to go first!!! How am I supposed to come up with a good reaction when...

* The gunman walks through the door to the dark room... a man in a hood walks through the door. *

... are you the head of Wal-Mart?

* The figure nods. *

Let's get him!

* The figure pulls out his gun and points it directly at them. *

Masked Owner Of Wal-Mart: Better that you don't. You don't want to end up like your friend Bauer, there...

... you son of a...

... you cheese-eating...

... Mizzle, you're not even trying anymore... you know what, forget it. Listen pal, we've uncovered your devious scheme. It's over. Give yourself up.

MOOWM: I'm afraid not. It's time this world faces anhialation. I have buildings all over the world. Bargain stores? They we're all just cleverly disguised missle silos! All the world's major cities will be destroyed. If they won't let me have the world, no one can! Muahahahahahaha!!!

... wait a minute... that voice...

* B.a.D pulls off the hood of the masked Owner Of Wal-Mart to reveal... *

Awwww... what'd you have to do that for?

G.g.B?!?!

Oh, you've gotta be kidding me...

The President of the United States owns Wal-Mart?!?!

That's right. Who did you think could start an Arkensas company like this and make the world suffer as much as Wal-Mart has? Being the President was just a cover to learn enough strategemic information to complete my takeover and complete destruction of the world.

You'll never get away with... wait. What did you say? Did you say you we're trying to destroy the world?

Most of it, yes.

So... you aren't trying to destroy the Canadian economy?

What's Canada?

It's this country...

Never heard of it.

I'm not surprised.

Well, actually... if it's located on Earth, which I'm trying to destory, then technically, I guess I am trying to destroy the Canadian economy.

I knew it!!!

And I've been watching you since you started this mission, B.a.D... I knew that as long as you we're still around, my plan would never be safe. That's why I helped P.c.P and Mizzle find you and bring you back. I've been watching you since you came out of hiding to make a Season Five with them. I knew you'd eventually come after Wal-Mart. So I had to be prepared. So I had people watching your every move since then. Earlier today, I was informed you we're getting closer by one of my informants this morning, using a strange, new technology, called an e-mail...

G.g.B, everybody uses e-mail these days.

Shut up. No one uses e-mail.

We actually call it B.a.D-mail back at the B.a.Dcave.

Really? Huh. Clever adaptation.

But... if you're going to destroy the entire world anyways, why try to damage the Canadian economy?

What's an economy?

Uh... it's a system of production, distribution and consumption that...

Never heard of it.

You're trying to destroy it.

Am I? Ohhhhh yeah, the other year Dick said something about wanting to shoot every Canadian in the face, but I spoke with our lawyers and they considered it murder, damn their oily hides. We figured this would be good for amusement before we tore the Earth a new corn chute.

You don't have to do this... just because you're one of the least popular presidents in history... and hated by most of the world... and your a joke everywhere including your own country... and 32% is an all time low for a...

Mizzle, I don't think you're helping... g.G.B, listen, I know you. I know you're better than this, g.G.B...

*Sniff* Aww... thanks... call me George...

Never!!!

* Mizzle rushes g.G.B during his moment of weakness. g.G.B grabs the control panel and presses his finger against the button and smiles... a countdown begins. Mizzle takes down g.G.B and they brawl on the floor. *

Mizzle, keep him busy! I'll stop the countdown!!!

* B.a.D goes to the control panel and fiddles with it while the two brawl on the ground, no one gaining the upper hand. B.a.D somehow manages to wire a single nuke to go off to destroy Arkensas and disarms the rest. He goes over to the brawl and gives g.G.B a good, swift kick in the face, knocking him out. The two tie him up and gag him. *

Mizzle, we have to get out of here!!!

I thought you disarmed the bomb.

No, I left a single one on countdown... this explosion will be just enough to destroy Arkensas, eliminating the heart of Wal-Mart forever.

Cut off the snake's head and the body will die...

Yeah, nice analogy there, Neo... but unfortuantely, we'll die with it.

... if it rids the world of Wal-Mart, I'm ready to go.

Me too.

... manly embrace?

Manly embrace.

* Mizzle and B.a.D reach out their arms for a manly embrace. *

* muffled through his gag* Ah, gay!

* A portion of the roof crashes in and the deafening noise of a helicopter crashes through. A familiar face leans out of the helicopter and looks down on B.a.D and Mizzle. *

Ah, gay!

P.c.P!!!

Your ass healed up nicely, Fruit Loops. Guess that comes with experience, hey?

Yeah, don't call attention to the fact that the guy who shot me in the ass is dead or apologize for abandoning me or anything, you phobe. Now quick!!! Get in the helicopter!!!

Huh?

The what now?

The helicopter!!!

Huh?

The what now?

Arrrrrrrrrgh!!!! Idiots!!!!! The B.a.Dcopter!!!!! Get in the B.a.Dcopter!!!!!

Ohhh, the helicopter!

Why didn't you say so? Get in!!!

* B.a.D and Mizzle get in the B.a.Dcopter and it flies off. A mushroom cloud explosion rips through Arkensas like it was tinfoil, and B.a.D and Mizzle sit back and take a deep breath. *

Should we feel bad about all those innocent people who just died?

It was Arkensas.

Right.

P.c.P, how in the world did you get a plane so fast?

Um... nevermind that now...

What? Tell us. You saved our lives.

Well...

Ah, fucks sakes. It's the guy you whored out for at the airport to get to Toronto before B.a.D, wasn't it???

It's not like that, all right?!?! He gave me his number... that's all. I didn't want to hurt his feelings! I called him after you guys left me...

I think I'd rather have died in a nuclear explosion than have to live with these mental images that are running through my head right now, you know that?

Hey, I'm flying a helicopter that saved your life, so why don't you save your breath. You'll need it to blow up your date anyways.

Yeah, why don't you shut up and go slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma.

* B.a.D lies his head back and smiles, half listening but amused by the banter, and incredibly satisfied at what they had just accomplished. Ridding the world of such a menace was a service they performed for the world... just like entertaining people on the website every week. *

* With this, with Season 5 now past him, and with all the other changes that had gone on in his life for the past few months, B.a.D smiled and took the rest of the helicopter ride back to the B.a.Dcave to reflect while listening to his two friends. *


* End Scene *



OK, so... if I had a point that I wanted to convey with this five-part story, it obviously evaporated real fucking quick and just turned into a fun ride designed to showcase my intense dislike of Wal-Mart, my intense love of Jack Bauer, some witty banter between Mizzle & P.c.P, and just tell a fun story. Hopefully everybody enjoyed.

A five-part season finale for Season Five. I figured it was appropriate.

Epilogue to the season coming.

Stay tuned...

B.a.D