B.a.Dops: The X-Mas Factor (Part 3 of 3)

* Begin Scene *


* Fade into B.a.D, Katastrophe, and the Lookalike sneaking out of a cargo hold of a supply plane into Baghdad. *

All right, we have to find Mizzle fast.

You really think Hussein is demonized or whatever like G.g.B is?

* To Lookalike. *
You really saw him killed?

Lookalike: Yes. I even saw his body. Although he was never buried, and rumors that his body disappeared floated around shortly thereafter.

All right, OziStyle said the B.a.Dship went down somewhere around here. Let’s find Mizzle!!!

* As they walked away, a man wheeled off the plane in a wheelchair… and looked towards the B.a.D, Katastrophe and the Lookalike as they walked away. Fade out to him smiling under his cloak, as he guided his wheelchair in the direction they went in. *



* As Mizzle approached the remains of the B.a.Dship with O.s.H in the bag, he thought he felt some movement inside the sack He sighs.. and takes out a shovel and raises it above his head and slams it down on O.s.H’s head repeatedly while singing. *

I don’t wanna wait… for our lives to be over… I want to know right now… what will it beeeeeee…

MIZZLE!!!

Heyyyyyyy, B.a.Dman! I got him! * Hits him with the shovel again, and follows it up with a stiff crotch kick. *
STOP KICKING HIM!!!

Why? * Scuffs the heel of his shoe over his captive’s head. *

We think he’s… * She’s cut off by a man in a wheelchair coming from behind. The man stands up and outstretches his hand towards the sack… *

What the f…

Oh my God…

* A burst of green energy explodes from the centre of his hand and blasts towards the bag. The bag stands up and rips open and O.s.H stands and stares at G.g.B… *

What the hell!!!… Saddam is another…

O.s.H, actually. You led me to him. Thank you.
* His eyes glowed orange and he looked at G.g.B. He raised his hand… *

G.g.B!!! What the HELL…

Surprised to see me? I knew you we’re onto him. I allowed you to break the Lookalike out so that you could lead me to him. And now you have. Thank you.
* His eyes glowed green as he stared at O.s.H. He raised his hand… *

Could someone please tell me what the f…

* A huge green energy spike shot out G.g.B’s hand at the same time a huge orange energy spike shot out of O.s.H’s hand… *

* The energy spikes collided and the result shook the Earth. Everyone in range fell down as the tremors became larger. Both demons we’re continuing to try to mow each other down with their energy spikes which had collided… neither we’re moving… *

What the fuck is happening?!?!

* A building collapses as a result of the tremors. Both demons eyes remained locked on each other and the energy spikes grew bigger. The tremors and winds shook all of Iraq… *

We have to get everyone out of here!!!

Lookalike: We must evacuate all the citizens!!!

To WHERE?!?!?!

Lookalike: I have an idea… will the crashed B.a.Dship still fly???

No way. That’s why we call it “crashed”.

Lookalike: What about drive… like on the ground? Can it still do that?

Probably!

I wish I had known that it could drive on the ground before I wandered around for a day in the baking fucking desert…

Lookalike: * to citizens fleeing in horror. * Everyone get into any vehicle you can find and follow us!!!

Where are we going?

Lookalike: Trust me.

* The B.a.Dcrew gets into the B.a.Dship and deploys the wheels so it can drive. The citizens are organizing trucks for a convoy to flee the city slowing being destroyed by the two demons attempting to slay each other. The B.a.Dship drives at the head of the convoy. In the distance, the Lookalike sees something out the window as Mizzle drives… *

Lookalike: A blockade!!!

The U.S. set these up all over the place to keep Iraqi’s in the city…

Lookalike: Well, all of the citizens in the city are behind us waiting for us to get them out! We have to find a way past!

Stop thinking solutions and start thinking X-Box. I know a way.

* Fade out to the B.a.Dship firing a missile at the U.S. military blockade, completely destroying it. They drive through and the convoy follows. *

Lookalike: … well, that was effective, but I was thinking something without all the explosions and death.

* B.a.D smiles and looks out the rear-view window… he could still see the energy spikes being thrown at each other. The two demons looked to be screaming at each other now. The energy began to envelop more of the city. Most of the convoy had made it out and more we’re coming… the city was almost completely destroyed… *

* Mizzle looks at B.a.D and the others... *

What did we do…?

Being responsible for one demon trying to destroy the world was enough. Now we’re responsible for two… dammit!!! SHIT!!!

… well, I was thinking more along the lines of my chances of making still the “nice” list, but I guess it’s time to stop worrying about that now, isn’t it?

Well, the city that you we’re supposed to bring Christmas to is being destroyed by the now two demons we’ve unleashed on the world…

Man, every time we try to do something…

* Fade out. *



* Fade into a bunch of trucks unloading some Iraqi’s. The B.a.Dcrew and the Lookalike are overseeing. *

Afghanistan, hey? Nice choice.

Lookalike: * smiles * It seemed to make sense. Things are slowing down here. My people and the Afghani’s have been wounded by the same man… we can help each other. But these people are confused, and we do not have a leader here.

* Looks at Lookalike. *
I’m not sure that’s true.

Lookalike: You are good people. Especially you, Mizzle.

… no. I’m the one who brought O.s.H out.

Lookalike: Our home had been invaded by the U.S. We we’re being put through hell. * Looks around. * Here, the hell has already been wrought. It’s almost over. We’ll be safe here. You made that possible. Intentional or not. And you got us through those blockades.

* Smiling at Mizzle. *
See that, buddy? You did give them a present. A new home.

Lookalike: The world isn’t good enough for someone like you, Mizzle.

Not by a long shot.

* Katastrophe calls over to them from the convoy. *
Everyone’s unloaded, and the B.a.Dship is ready to fly again. We’re ready to go.

* Looks at B.a.D. *
Let’s get home. Santa probably has my stuff there early for being so badass good, and I don’t want OziStyle touching my stuff. Its booby trapped.

All right.
* Reaches hand out to Lookalike. *
You be easy, man. Good luck.

* Reaches hand out to Lookalike. *
Adios. And if you’re looking for a way to immortalize me, I wouldn’t say no to a statue.

* Smiles. *
Lookalike: My people and I thank you again. For everything. Merry Christmas.

* Fade out to the B.a.Dcrew entering the ship. *



* Fade into the B.a.Dcave. Mizzle and OziStyle are sitting around the fire.. *

Wow. That’s quite the story. I wish I had been there to see all of that!

* B.a.D, Katastrophe and B-Rush walk in. *

Hey hermano, what part of the story are you telling her?

I was just telling her about the 7 Iraqi women I made sweet love to in front of their husbands.

Nice!

* B.a.D and Katastrophe look at each other. Then shrug at each other and hand Mizzle and OziStyle a couple of drinks. *

Yeah, it was something, all right.

I hate to be a wet blanket here, but what ARE we going to do about all of this? We killed G.g.B, now he’s a demon trying to destroy the world. We outted O.s.H, now he’s trying to destroy the world. Is all this our fault?

Yeah, but on the plus side, we freed an innocent man. We rescued thousands of Iraqi’s from Iraq and gave them what could be an actual home.

And the bad stuff only came about because we we’re trying to do good stuff. The Wal-Mart being a scam to take over the world, you guys put an end to and you killed G.g.B. You could have never known he would have come back demonized. And you could have never known that O.s.H was another demon when you tried to bring him in. This is not our faults.

You know what I mean. What the fuck are we supposed to do about all of this?

* B.a.D stands up, looks out the window, and sighs. *
I don’t know. Something. We’ll make it right. I promise.

Just not tonight. For now, let’s just enjoy Christmas.

How can we enjoy Christmas knowing what we caused?

* B.a.D smiles at them all. *
The world will still be broken tomorrow. Merry Christmas, you guys.

* They toast. *


* End Scene *