Break #3: Ask B.a.D Begins

Welcome to your gospel for this fine month of July. Before I begin with my new column that I'll be doing here and there, I've got a few things that need saying first.

First of all... Scott, congratulations. Nobody's earned the happy marriage more than you. Thank you for the invite, and I wish I could have been there, but there wasn't anything I could do.

Second of all, congratulations to Kacey for starting her practicum and kicking its ass. I knew she would.

Third congratulations go to Gerda on a long-awaited, well-deserved retirement. Regardless of how tough it was between us at times, she taught me a lot, and weather it was in a posative or a negative way, she's the reason I got a lot of the cred and stroke that I currently enjoy. And I made my peace with her a long time ago. So enjoy, Gerda. It was an honor to work for and with you.

I'd like to thank South Trail Co-op, the first store on the B.a.D Tour Of Terror for making my weekend there a fun one. I'd also like to thank them for the free pens, hats, tape dispensors, staple guns, ideas that I'll take back to my store and claim as my own, and all the other free SWAG I helped myself to that may or may not have been free for the taking.

My Australian friend Mary is touring the States! I put a link to her site up that she'll be doing while she's visiting North America.

Last but not least, Karine. You have no idea how proud I am for you for doing what you're doing. Not only turning your life around as well as you have, but also having the guts to stand up to him for what he did to you, as well as making sure that he can't do it to anyone again. You're doing the right thing. You can bet that when he curls up next to his shower daddy after Wednesday is over, he'll be wishing he hadn't mistreated you.

Now onto the wisdom. I enjoyed answering the questions you all had for me in the "Stupid Question SmackDown", but I decided that name was Fruit Loops levels of gay. So welcome to "Ask B.a.D". Since I ran the column last time, I got loads more questions. So I'll answer some of those here, and keep the questions coming.



Q: How has Co-op been doing since the market got more crowded with Sobey's? Are they still holding their own?

A: Jesus God no.

That's the real answer. For other answers, it depends on who you ask.

Co-op themselves will tell you business is great. I myself have to mess with the numbers on a daily basis as part of my job, so I actually could go and comapre sales. But you don't even need to do that to see the signs.

H.O, H.R, and especially middle management departments have been busted open like ripe melons and gutted like rainbow trout. Slowed new-store development is another sure sign.

Business is still good, huh? Suuuuure it is.

And let's even say for the sake of optimism that Co-op's business goes up again, and they get their headway back. The sky's the limit... at least until they crash their craniums on that glass ceiling known as F.C.L.... again.



Q: Lots has been said about Mohammad Hassan's gimmick. Do you think that in the future he'll do a turnaround like Sergent Slaughter with a whole "I want my country back" gimmick? I think that could make him a huge babyface.

A: Well, I wouldn't try it with that Hassan guy. He's clearly a terrorist.



Q: I went through some of your old posts and read you are a pretty big Young Buck fan. I love Young Buck. Can you name all your favourite Eminem songs?

A: Yes.

Yes, I can.



Q: Whatever happened to the Ultimate Warrior?

A: My favourite babyface as a kid? Right now he spits neo-conservative garbage on his web-site and speaks at schools that are insane enough to pay his speaking fee.

I go to his site when the mood strikes me. Quite an angry conservative he makes. His big thing when I went there last week was ranting on Schivo, months after the world let it go. (I should really look up how to spell her last name...) Basically he said that she had a condition that was irrepairable, therefore God wanted her to die.

That's Ultimate Warrior wisdom for you, folks. If you have an irreversable condition, God wants you to die. If you have AIDS or cancer, God wants you to die. If you have a headache, God wants you to die.

It's kinda ironic that the guy who made a name for himself by acting like a skitzo and snorting like a retard would take that kinda position, though.



Q: Did you ever watch "A Minute With Stan Hooper"? It was great. Why did they cancel it?

A: Presumably because it was really f*cking gay.



Q: Where did James C's site go?

A: It's always in the last place you look.

In all seriousness, I believe it's currently guest starring on "A Minute With Stan Hooper".

Ohhhhh wait... that got cancelled.

Ha!



Q: I seen your site and wanted to know how you made the "News" section.

A: You "seen" the site? What's with all the f*cking rednecks writing in these days?

And thanks to you... I've lost interest.



See ya in a month!

Oh, and by the way. I love when you people send e-mails swearing at me and telling me you want more updates. Keep it up. Seriously.

Quote For Today:
"Ha! I got your hat! Take that hatless, now go back to the quad and resume your hacky sack tournay! I'm not going to lie down for some frat boy bastard with his damn Teva sandles and his Skoal Bandits and his Abercrombie and Fitch long sleeved open-stitch crewneck henley smoking his stickybuds out of a soda can while watching his favorite downloaded Simpsons episodes every night! Yes, we all love Mr. Plow. Oh, you've got the song memorized do you? Guess what? So does everybody else! That is exactly the kind of idiot you see at Taco Bell at one in the morning. The guy who just whiffed his way down the bar-skank ladder."
- Stewie from Family Guy