From Drama Setter to Trauma Center

Wow, P.c.P got more mixed reviews than my Dad's unookshook...

I'm zen, yo.

... some people love, some people hate. How can any of you hate him?!?! He's f*ckin' purple!!!

Sniff...

It's OK, big guy. I still love you, and the comments have been way more good than bad.

So do you wanna know what made me mad enough to write this post? I have this teacher named Turtle, who told me I needed to buy this $115 textbook because it was a brand new edition with new info in it that I wouldn't be able to get anywhere else. So I went and bought it. Half an hour later he said that all the info I needed was on a website. Douche. But then he said it was OK because I needed a program that came on a CD that came with the book. Then I found the program on the website too and had an attack of the heart. So I used the CD to install the program and it crashed my laptop. So at the end of the day, I paid $115 for Turtle to crash my laptop.

As a result, I am now a burning cauldron of seething rage and hatred. I am a bitter and broken shell of a man, so let's get this angry-mother train out of the station.

It's time to dissect this comment that was left some weeks ago. I'll post the parts of the comment peice by peice, word for word in brown (insert own poop joke here). I don't know her name, so I'll call her A.M.A. (Another Mother Against), a woman who I'm sure lives with her son, daughter, and a lot of cats.

Before I get into this, did anyone besides me notice (OK, I didn't notice... someone pointed it out to me) that on all the top bar of all Blog sites, there's now a "Flag" button where you can flag a site as offensive? They put that on there the day after I recieved the comment from this whore. I'm not sure if I'm the specific motivation for that, but if I am, then BlogSpot noticed... and damned if they said anything to me about it.

But in case you just joined us, read the comments and my responses. I think this woman actually raises a good point. I'm clearly a threat to juvenile minds and I need to be contained.



B.a.D,

Right around here, I knew I was in trouble. Anyone who takes their time to write my name exactly like I do, with all the periods and everything, and even puts a comma on the end, is clearly putting too much time and thought into writing a comment.


I have sent you several e-mails with requests to clean up your site. You leave me little option but to read this for all to see.

You're not reading this, you idiot. You're writing it.

But good point. Let's let the world see your viewpoint. Actually, in writing this comment, you in turn have given me months worth of material.

And as for your previous e-mails, I lost them. I have a sneaking suspicion that they disappeared from my e-mail inbox. Perhaps they accidentally got sent to my e-mail trash can. That can happen.

Especially when the point is so ludicras that I assume I'm just being pranked, or just insane enough that I can assume whoever wrote it just stopped taking their pills for some reason.


No one reading this really enjoys your site or your sense of humor. This post is a fine example. You do not own anybody, not anyone outside your own little world anyways.

If people don't enjoy my sense of humor, they are certainly welcome to stop coming here at any point. Clearly, your kids enjoy it, or they wouldn't be regular readers.

As for "this post", which was titled "Break #4: Starring B.a.D as little Sally Jacobs", I will seek the help of my new assistant, P.c.P, to word out the following disclaimer.

To A.M.A. and everyone else confused, P.c.P would like to take this opportunity to state that B.a.D doesn't actually legally "own" anybody, and that this is actually a slang term simply stating that his site is popular and lots of people enjoy reading it.

Any misconception of these comments is unlikely at best, but that's why I'm here.

To advise the ones who aren't smart enough to "get" the posts on the blatantly obvious.

Thank you. Next.


I have noticed a sharp decline in the attitude of my kids since they have started coming here regularly. Where they got the address, I have no idea.

Are you sure the atittude decline in your kids isn't caused by your half-assed over-parenting?

I think she's looked at that, and hasn't quite seen it.

Well, I'd look again. I doubt it's because of my silly little website that I receive no profit from, and pay nothing to maintain.

A.M.A., really, please. If a website run by a guy who only writes when he's got nothing to do in class or when he can't sleep is influencing your kids behavior, then that's a reflection on your parenting, not my writing.

You're the kind of mom who blamed Columbine on TV, movies, video games, the internet, Maralyn Manson and Eminem, right? It's the evil messages that those evil TV shows, evil movies, evil musicians and those evil violent video games that influenced those kids to blow a couple dozen people away, right? It's everyone's fault but yours, right? Everyone's fault except the parent who raised the kid to begin with.


I have contacted Mothers Against Violence In America about your site. I sent them a link to your site and they assured me that they would be in contact with you, so now you have that to look forward to as well. I advise you to shut down if you wish to avoid investigation.

Clearly I do have that to look forward to. A long ways forward. The reason I haven't responded until now is because I was waiting for some kind of message from MAVIA. Still nothing.

So either they think this woman is bonkers, or they've got more important things to do like pulling Grand Theft Auto off the shelves. It's far more essential for them to make sure that games that are intended for people over the age of 18 are only sold to people over the age of 18 than worry about one moron's site.

My point is, even if they don't decide I'm a "threat", they'll just try to bring down something equally as innocent or indulge in something equally as stupid. So basically, weather they do or don't "investigate" me, f*ck 'em either way.

And a lawsuit? If you're serious, I say bring it on. Hell, I'll even foot the bill for your accomodations and compensate you for any time you lost from work while pursuing this worthwhile cause just because I admire you for trying to keep your kids safe.


My son and daughter both read your site, and they are of impressionable ages and I don't need them reading what you have to say.

This is where I could absolutely kill you.

P.c.P feels the need to state for the record that B.a.D does not actually want to kill anyone.

See? See that? That's my point. No one with a brain (ie. not you) would have needed P.c.P to figure that out. But that's why I brought him on board. To point out the bloody obvious to the bloody stupid.

Back to her statement. Deep breath now.

Yeah, great point. Superb arguing. Parents like you can't be bothered with those little things like supervising your kids and teaching them right and wrong. Therefore, what they should do as a group is (attempt to) block out everything objectionable that they can find.

So don't let your kids watch any TV, especially not the news, and don't let them see movies or listen to music, either. Ditto for video games and the web. And don't let them leave the house because they might see an advertisement for a TV show, movie, game, website or music artist. Or God forbid, a gay person or a real life fight. Or actually, just some real life.

A better thing to do other than trying to put blinders on your kids would be to try to instill in them a sense of moral fiber. If you've already done that, then you have nothing to worry about. If you haven't, then start, or better yet, just swallow some jacks. Something tells me your kids would be better off without your parenting anyways.


Good day.

Go f*ck yourself.



Honestly, if this is the worst thing your kids look at, consider yourself lucky. They could be getting picked up in chat rooms by pedophiles, learning how to make a bomb, watching a snuff film, or buying a sawnoff shotgun.

If all they do is look at one guy's website, where all the guy does is share his life for his friends he doesn't see all that much, joke on some morons at work, and give some brief and harmless social commentary, then I think you've raised a pretty good kid.

So, take it easy, you old hack. Something tells me your kids are just fine.

Problem kids are caused by one of two things:
A) Half-assed under-parenting, or...
B) Half-assed over-parneting (see above). Where there's overkill to the point where they're trying to control everything their kids say, do and think.

You can't shield your kids from everything bad. I'm not even close to saying my site is bad, but my point remains the same. Try and bring them up right so that they'll be able to decide on their own what is right and wrong.

But then again, what do I know? I'm just a troublesome and violent young man who writes on a website.

P.c.P would like to wish A.M.A. all the best in her future endeavors, no matter how ridiculous, ludicrous, foolhardy, preposterous, absurd, silly, outlandish, outrageous, bizzare, unreasonable, nonsensical, foolish, fanatical, unwise, peculiar, strange, wierd, odd, or stupid they may be. Here's some nice voilent rap music for your kids to listen to.

Song For Today
Welcome To Detroit
- Trick Trick (feat. Eminem)

E-Mail: troublesomeandviolentyoungman@hotmail.com

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

wow, i was in turtle's class when i read that too... spooky. at least i know i dont need to buy the text! bwahahahahha

Anonymous said...

nicely done brotha, put her in her place

Anonymous said...

i get enough penis enlargement ads in my hotmail, now i gotta worry about it here?

i mean shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit
:D

Anonymous said...

whoever doesnt like PCP is clearly quite quite retarded

Anonymous said...

TAKE THAT WHORE!!!!

Anonymous said...

BLAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAA

zen and the way u wrot e that column dont mix

Anonymous said...

wonder if she read it yet.....

Anonymous said...

make sure to keep us posted on what she replies with