Ask B.a.D: Bret screwed Bret... twice! Tangent!

Three posts this week. Lucky f*cks.

This one's gonna be all wrestling questions again, since I get more of those than any other. I can almost feel the hate-mail flooding my inbox in the future.

To the wrestling fans, you're welcome. To everyone else, suck it down and choke on it.



Q: I know the Montreal screwjob has been beaten to death with wrestling fans, but I have a couple questions. I'm pretty new to wrestling, so bear with me. Why couldn't Vince just force Bret to drop the belt? He was working for Vince... so what was stopping Vince from just suing him for refusing? And second, do you think Bret could have sued Vince for what happened?

A: 2 words, matey. Creative control. Bret had it in his contract. Therefore Vince could never have sued him for refusing.

Bret, on the other hand, could have sued Vince for what he did. But the big dumb bastard just had to knock Vince out. After that, if he'd have sued for breach of contract, Vince could've, probably would've, and rightfully should've counter-sued Bret's ass for phsyical assault. So actually, "Bret screwed Bret" twice.

Serves him right for not wanting to drop the belt that Vince gave to him, I say. Who cares if you don't like Shawn? Vince was the f*cking reason that anyone thought that Bret was ever worth a s*it in the first place. He was a mid-card tag team attraction at best before Vince went to work on him. Vince making him was the reason Eric Bischoff paid him 9 million dollars over 3 years where he was "active" (notice the quotes) for maybe a third of that entire time.

Note for the record that I'm not saying Vince or Shawn are totally innocent in this thing, I'm just saying they we're justified. Bret flat-out refused to lose the belt, they had to do something.

I'm not saying Bret wasn't a good wrestler. He was. Just not main-event good, in my eyes anyways, and certainly not a "greatest of all-time" type guy. And the fact that Bischoff paid that much for Bret and then didn't even do anything with the guy is a perfect example of how much money Bischoff was throwing around, and how much he was willing to pay (Turner's money, of course) to put WWE under.

I'm getting off topic here. As far as Bret goes, if people are dumb enough to pay you that kind of money because they and you believe your own hype that much, then good for you. But agreeing to not drop the belt that they gave you to help make you a big enough star that you could negotiate the one of the richest contracts in any sport ever in the first place sounds pretty ungreatful to me. In wrestling or anywhere.

Sing it, g.G.B!

F*ck Bret Hart.

Yeah, f*ck Bret Hart.

Sorry. Tangent.



Q: Is there any chance of them bringing Evolution back in the near future?

A: Short of them merging the brands, probably not. Not with the original members anyways. Orton and Batista are on SmackDown, and Flair and HHH are on RAW. And HHH straight f*cked-up the bejeezus out of Flair within an inch of his life a couple weeks ago.

They could do it with different guys, but I figure why dump on the good 2 year-run that the original had? Look what it did for the careers of Batista and (vomit) Orton. They would never have had that kind of success without being teamed up with HHH and Flair. Neither one of them would have even come close. Batista and Orton are going to be the two main guys headlining SmackDown for the next little while. You would not being seeing that had Evolution never happened.

Yeah, f*ck Evolution anyways. Let it rest in peace and let it end on a high note. If you're gonna create a new group, give it a new name and a new feel.

Son, Evolution is a theory, not a fact. And me and my republican buddies will be damned if anything but that gets taught in American schools.

Don't mess with American education!

Right. Next question.



Q: Why are people starting to feel sorry for Lita? She got exposure with the scandal, far more camera time than she had before. Isn't any press good press, especially for a wrestler?

A: You sir, are an idiot.

Lita was just lucky that "You screwed Matt" was a catchier chant than "You gave Danny Doring ghonorhea."

Remember the ECW PPV, the one Lita wasn't even on and first the fans chanted "We f*cked Lita!". Then paused for a minute... then "We got herpes!"

I love ECW fans.



Q: I read Dusty Rhodes book, and he says that he was bigger than Hogan in his day. Is Dusty lying, or is that actually true?

A: Dusty was huge, but never in Hogan's league. No one was. Flair's the closest, I would think, followed tightly by Austin and Rock. Dusty will tell you differently. S*it, I'm sure he geniunely believes it himself.

Wrestlers are notoriously self-deluded. Which makes sense, I think, because as a wrestler, the most important part of your job is to make people believe you. So if a wrestler doesn't believe his own hype, how is he going to convince anybody else to believe it?

After being so uncerimoniously outsed from TNA, and then having your legend verbally soaped and raped by one of his best friends on the PPV thereafter (Zybysko), Dusty's ego is smarting a bit. Why do you think he joined WWE? He sure as s*it doesn't need the money, he's trying to show TNA what they threw away as a booker.

I'm a fan of Dusty, and he's all right by me, but he fairly needs to shut the f*ck up about himself before he descends any further into self parody.



Q: What, in your opinion, was the greatest babyface or heel turn ever in wrestling?

A: Hulk Hogan's first and only heel turn at Bash At The Beach where he formed the nWo with Hall & Nash. Hands down.

It was about the most shocking thing that could have happened in wrestling at the time. Biggest babyface in the history of the business... turns heel.

The fans we're legitimately so pissed off at Hogan for turning heel that they went absolutely bat-s*it crazy and tossed everything that wasn't nailed down at the ring. That says something.



Q: What do you think are the worst injuries suffered by wrestlers that occured from trying to execute relatively simple maneuvers?

A: Holy God almighty. That's one indecipherable f*cking sentance.

Let's see. Droz, or whatever his name was got paralyzed from a hip toss. Possibly one of the most simple moves short of a Flair chop.

Either that or Goldberg kicking Bret in the head. Ended Bret's career and gave the f*cker a stroke, if you take Bret's word for it. Which I don't.

F*ck Bret Hart.

Yeah. F*ck Bret Hart.

Sorry. Tangent.

I guess being from Calgary and saying that kinda kills my ability to still call this a good wrestling town. But I think we sorta tossed that up our own asses when the Saddledome chanted "Taber Corn" throughout the best match of the night when RAW was here this year.



Sorry. Tangents. I'm out.

Late.

E-Mail: f*ckbrethartf*ckbrethartandf*ckbrethartagain@hotmail.com