Let's get retarded in here

When thinking about the comment left by CM (thank you, by the way) I started thining about a few years ago when I got invited by a friend of a friend to a house (apartment) party of most of the high school football team. So me and another girl who went to school with these people reluctantly went to see how our "aquaintances" we're doing. Of course, they we're all still wearing their football jackets after 5 years out of high school.

This is pretty much how the night went down. Of course, the person who invited us didn't even show, so it was pretty much us and them.

*B.a.D and Natalie arrive at the apartment and walk up.*

Token Fat Football Player: Hey, B.a.D.
B.a.D: What's up, man. Why are you standing outside the apartment?
TFFP: They said they needed me to hand out the party favors. Apparently the years of being the token fat football player doesn't entitle me to be in there with the other guys. Some people say they just take advantage of me, but that's just a lie. They're all just jealous that we we're on the football team together. We're brothers! Bro's! Brosicles! Go Lords! High five!
B.a.D: *Reluctantly and confusedly returns high five.* O-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-k. See you inside, I guess.
TFFP: No, I probably won't be allowed in there. Here, take your party favors. A box of joints!
B.a.D: Christ, there are like 50 joints in here. Did you roll all of these yourself?
TFFP: I have a lot of free time.

*B.a.D sits down on the couch with Natalie. Token Tall Football Players sits down.

Token Tall Football Player: Hey man. Drugs?
B.a.D: Hey... um, what?
TTFP: Drugs?
B.a.D: No thanks. I'm clean.
TTFP: I'm afraid I don't follow.
B.a.D: I don't do drugs.
TTFP: Say, you don't look so good.
B.a.D: Yeah, I've got a little cold. No big deal.
TTFP: I've got some NyQuil. Do you want some?
B.a.D: Welllllll, I'm gonna say no, since you have the NyQuil in a syringe.
TTFP: Well, techincally it's not NyQuil. It's actually mid-grade smack. Same difference, really.
B.a.D: Well, NyQuil or smack, the answer is still no.
TTFP: Suit yourself. More for me. I've got to go stab some baby kittens. Later fag.

*B.a.D and Natalie walk into the kitchen.*

Stereotypical half-fat, half-muscular football player: Hey, man. How's it goin? You want a drink?
B.a.D: Thanks.
SHFHMFP: Cool. The keg's over there, just make sure you inject these steroids in your arm before you head over first.
B.a.D: Thanks for the drink, but I don't think I'll partake on the steroids.
SHFHMFP: I'm afraid I don't follow.
B.a.D: I'm not into that. I don't do drugs.
SHFHMFP: I don't understand.
B.a.D: It's just not for me. No thanks.
SHFHMFP: I'm just not getting this. Let's call Token Good Looking Football Captain in here.

*Token Good Looking Football Captain Walks In.*

TGLFC: Could we make this quick? I've got some cocaine I'd like to get back to.
SHFHMFP: B.a.D doesn't want our steroids.
TGLFC: I'm afraid I don't follow.
SHFHMFP: Tell TGLFC what you told me.
B.a.D: I just don't want them. Thanks anyways, though.
TGLFC: I don't understand.
B.a.D: They're just not for me. You guys do your thing. I'll just hang out.
TGLFC: But I've shot up twice since entering this room, and I'm the freakin' captain of the football team! Yeah! Go Lords!
SHFHMFP: Yeah! Go Lords! Brosicle! *high fives all around*
B.a.D: Thanks, but my answer stands.
TGLFC: Whatever. We're gonna go outside and shoot some H into our acid-raped minds on the patio. Wanna come?
B.a.D: No thanks. Have fun. We'll hang here.

Things We Mastered While Waiting For Them To Get High:
- Mastered Mah-Johng
- Bowled 5 frames
- Listeend to all of Beethoven's Symphonies
- Formed my own religion
- Walked my dog to the Bronx and back
- Cracked corn
- Sorted out Bush's foreign policy issues
- Watched Awesome .vs. Tanaka again and analyzed it
- Evolved into a more perfect life form that was one with all other forms of life
- Fixed up a giant bowl of mashed taters


... and so on. Obviously this is exagerated... but this is still pretty much how bad of a joke it was. We left right after they got in.

B.a.D