Ask B.a.D: Edge, TNA, Hogan .vs. Vader, John Cena .vs Paris Hilton and Abyss .vs. Barbed Wire

Wow, nice response to Hoa's riddle. I agree, it's homosexuality. Two people, regardless of weather or not they're the same person, of the same sex, means homosexual sex.

Sorry it took so long, but hopefully this was worth the wait.

Before I begin, it's massive gay that Aries and Strong got suspended for 2 months. TNA is on such a roll, then they go and pull a stunt like this. Aries and Strong had a prior ROH booking the night before the last TNA PPV, and for some reason TNA wanted all their wrestlers there a night early, which would have meant Aries and Strong would have missed the ROH booking which they'd agreed to. They refuse, work ROH, and still make it in time to Orlando for the TNA PPV and they get suspended for not backing out of a previous commitment. F*cks sakes Jarrett, do you really think most people turn into see your segments as much as they do the X Division, that you owe in large part to ROH for providing you Aries, Strong, Joe, Shelley, Homicide, Lethal... even your mainstays Daniels and AJ got their start in ROH.



Q: What do you think of Edge's WWE World Title win?

A: S*it. Absolute s*it. While I agree that they needed to get the belt off Cena, Edge has been chasing the damn thing for almost 2 years now. Without even getting into the issue of weather he deserves it or not, if they we're going to give it to him, they should have had it mean something. Big buildup, etc. Like Benoit's win. That was huge. That took over 4 months of buildup and the climax was tremendous when he won that belt, his life's ambition.

Look at Edge's buildup. He was doing worked shoots, which are no longer relevant this day and age. Last time I watched RAW, Edge was screaming at Michael Hayes, a legend, about how his partner, Terry Gordy, was dead. This was interesting because:

a) 90% of the wrestling audience has no idea who Terry Gordy is. Even I don't know. The name definately sounds familiar, but I could never picture him or name a damn thing he ever did.
b) "Terry Gordy is dead" is not an insult. It's a statement of fact. I mean, 100% of all humans die.

That was supposed to get Edge immediate heel status? Screaming about how people are dead? It's time like this I'm glad I can't watch RAW on a regular basis anymore. I'd hate to hear one of his promos now.

Edge: "You know who else is dead? That guy who played Leo McGarry in ‘The West Wing’! And Princess Diana! She’s not alive either! How evil am I? Napoleon Bonaparte! Oh, he’s been dead for ages! Bwahahahaha!"

Oh, and he was hitting people with a briefcase to get over as a heel too. Since WrestleMania he's been doing that. That didn't get stale at all. And I really doubt a briefcase could ever knock somebody out, although I guess that would depend what was in it. Actually, if it's the STD medication that he needs to be banging Lita, then the thing probably weighs about a metric tonnne. Maybe that would do it.



Q: Who do you think would most benefit from a jump to TNA?

A: I can think of a lot of names, but the one most prevelant is RVD. Sure, he's back now, and they're in the midst of failing to properly use him in what an incredibly moronic wrestling fan might call half of a "push". Having him in TNA just for the marquee value of being able to talk about how he was so criminally misused in the E would be more than enough reason to bring him in alone. Add to that the fact that the guy is one of the greatest wrestlers alive today and still in his prime, and that shoots him to the top of the list. The other thing notable to mention is that RVD would be great in any spot that TNA sticks him in. He could do the X Division and have great matches with every wrestler in there. (Save Matt Bentley, he sucks.) Stick him in the tag division, and pairing him up for a reunion with Sabu in that area is reason enough alone to stick him there, let alone all the great tags they could have with The Dud... Team 3d, AMW, The Naturals, etc. He could easily fit into that little hardcore niche that Abyss, Sabu, Rhino, Raven, and that painted-up crackhead Jeff Hardy frequent with their thumbtacks, barbed wire, and Monsters Ball matches. Or you could stick him in the heavyweight division, and after some good chasing time, you've got a name who can carry the belt for years, and be the new face of the company.

Jericho is another one, even though he's not with WWE currently. Still loads of juice left in the ring, great talker, and you've got a great addition to the heavyweight title picture, someone who's been there already in WWE. Ditto for Benoit. Shelton Benjamin has been getting lots of TV time in the E lately, but that doesn't mean jack if the story is crap. Tajiri is not with the WWE either, but he'd do great in TNA in just about any capacity... he's like Rhino, after that many years of getting buried in E, people forget just what kind of a worker Tajiri is. Tajiri kicks ass. I would have said Rey Mysterio would fit in anywhere and would be a great boost to his career, after years of beating the odds and being successful in WWE, but it actually looks like they might be doing some good work with him now, so we'll wait that one out.

Other names off the top of my head... CM Punk (it's never too late you admit you made a mistake), The MexiCools, Paul London, and Rosey.

Those are the names that I think would most benefit from the jump, and equally as important, TNA would benefit from them.

Oh, and Snitsky. Snitsky!!!



Q: Very shortly after Hogan went to WCW, I remember Vader and him having a strap match. I watched an old tape the other day of the match and Flair interfered, and Hogan tied to strap to him and touched all four corners. What happened, and why didn't they just take the direct route?

A: This is one of those interesting political footnotes that you never really hear spoken about that often. Listen up, you might learn something new and interesting.

As legend has it, when Hogan cane to WCW he was programmed against Vader. Hogan, being Hogan, went straight to Vader’s face and told him point blank “I absolutely refuse to lay down for you”. Not to the committee. Not to Bischoff. Straight to Vader’s face. Bizarrely out of character for Hogan to take the direct route, but there you go. That’s what he did. One can only assume he was drunk on his creative control clause and the huge amount of power he now wielded in WCW and figured he didn’t even have to bother going about these things in a clandestine way anymore. Or maybe he just wanted to see how blatantly he could push it. How and ever, that’s what he did. Interesting, right?

On the flip side of this, Vader, after some consideration, returns to Hogan and tells him, “I will never, ever lay down for you either.” No one had ever gotten away with refusing to job for Hogan before that point, and no one's gotten away with it since then, either. Michaels tried everything he could to get out of laying down for Hogan. But back on point.

Now, Vader is a hell of a worker, and a legend in his own right, but is not a man known for his smarts or for his abilities at deft political manoeuvres. I mean, look at the guy. Does he look like a Rhode Island scholar to you? But he was a stubborn old bastard. And he dug in his heels. And he never, ever allowed Hogan to get a pin or submission on him. Go back through your tapes. Check your records on the internet. Neither Hogan or Vader ever got a clean win or took a clean loss to the other man. They had a f*ckload of matches, sure. But they all ended in DQs or clusterf*cks.

Anyway, in the match in question, poor old Flair, being the company man to the very marrow of his bones, was dropped into the situation and took the hit for the team. Like I've mentioned before, Flair is perpetually over. Nothing the man can do or fail to do results in him losing any heat at all. So he could afford to do it. Like he’d done a billion times before and the same again since. The guy jobbed to the freakin’ Hurricane for crying out loud.

Eventually, Vader correctly realized he couldn't compete with Hogan's political power and refuse to lay down forever, no matter how right he thought he was. So he quit and went to WWE.

And for the record, Hogan has just as little reason as Flair to worry about losing heat due to a loss. He just doesn't realize it.

If anyone’s interest in tracking down that match is peaked at all, I’d advise you not to bother. Not even for the historical relevance of it. Just be happy you learned something you didn’t know before.



Q: Have you seen John Cena's movie?

A: Jesus God no.

Paying to see that movie in any capacity is like mixing bleach with your contact lens solution and hoping that you won't go permanently blind.

If you want to see that movie... kill yourself. WWE Films is the worst idea McMahon has ever had. Seriously... the WBF, the XFL, now this... when will Vince realize that he's only good at one thing so he should just stick to it and put all his energy into that instead of half-assing it because you're combining it with an albatross idea.

And Cena? Seriously... once this flops, he'll be a failure at wrestling, music, and movies! Paris Hilton can't even claim that s*it.



Q: Did you like the bit that they did with Abyss and Sabu about Abyss being afraid of the barbed wire? That match was fantastic, and it added a bit of personality to Abyss' kind of one-dimensional character. I love Abyss, but he needs more depth like that.

A: I too like Abyss. I too loved that match.

But as for the fear of barbed wire, I guess I liked it because I want Abyss to have more depth too, but it really didn't make a lot of sense. It seems like Abyss would have plenty of time to get over his fear of barbed wire during the two hours it takes him to pull thumbtacks out of his head and ass every other month.



That's it for today. No "Mizzle Says" here today, he's not into wrestling. Although 100% of other things I've exposed him to, he liked... I should give that a try. But for now, he's just into those "real" sports like hockey.

What a f*cking fag.

I did not say that.

Bad P.c.P! Bad!

B.a.D