Flame Retarded

Wasn't planning on posting again this week, but this required my immediate attention.

So I stop at a sports clothing shop to pick up a red Puma shirt. (Puma = my favourite brand of clothing for the moment.)

I buy the shirt, and the clerk insists on showing me some Puma shoes that would "go great with this shirt I just bought".

Now, I'm not the type to buy a $180 pair of shoes because they go with one shirt that I own. I can make some pretty wicked purchase decisions, but that ain't one of 'em. But I decide to humor him because he's nice.

But this burned-out sales-loser isn't giving up. Just as I'm about to say "thanks anyway, have a good one" and walk out, he throws this at me.

"They're flame-retardant and everything, man."

...

The human medical profession doesn't know why we get an aneurism. It's when a blood vessel bursts in the brain for no apparent reason.

There's a reason.

Flame retardant?!?! That's not a fucking selling point. I'm supposed to buy shoes because they're fucking flame retardant? Since shitting when? This is flame-retarded because:

• I don't plan on taking any nice long strolls through a gasoline fire.
• If I did, I'd have a lot bigger problems than shoes.
• If I get lit on fire, I'm not sure which part of my body I'd want to save the most, but it's definatley not the feet.
• I'm not a firefighter, and if I was, I'd have boots. I wouldn't be rescuing a family from a burning house in my Puma's. The fact that they're at least $180 per pair aside, they just wouldn't go with the rest of the outfit.

Although...


*Begin Daydream Sequence*

Head Firefighter: B.a.D, you've got to get in there! There's a family trapped in that burning building!

B.a.D The Firefighter: You wish, bitch. These are Puma's.

Head Firefighter: What?!?! Why did you wear Puma's to the fire?!

B.a.D The Firefighter: Little thing called style. You might have heard of it, but based on that yellow coat and those fugly boots, I doubt it. Check it out sometime, chump stain.

Head Firefighter: You're a disgrace!!!

B.a.D The Firefighter: And you're jealous of my Puma's. Who's really the one with the problem here?

Head Firefighter: You're fired!!!

B.a.D The Ex-Firefighter: Dammit, this is how my job at the water treatment plant went south.

*End Daydream Sequence*


... and so on. I think you get the basic gist.

No sale, and an F for effort. And yes, I did leave without hurting flame-retards feelings. Thank you very much. Still though... as a marketing graduate, the fact that he tried to use that as a selling point really hits me. I think I'm going to have to put you...

Peace out, flame-retards.
B.a.D

Mizzle Sez:

You should have flame-rebitchslapped him for being such an idiot. I wish I was there for that little number. Remember the lady I bought the suit-case from? Or the one in the Swimco shop... really sorry I missed that golden opportunity B.a.D.

*Disclaimer* The nice sales ladies at JB Bags and Swimco were both dealt with in a professional manor. We just had some fun with them as they tried dropping benefits to make the upsale.

I think I'm actually a little pissed I missed out on this one...

Mizzle