MOTHERLOAD: The State Of The Homo-Erotic Activity We All Know And Love As Wresting Address

Well, this column has certainly been some time coming, hasn’t it? It’s nice to see the wrestling fans of this site still come out despite less emphasis on the sport here on the site these days, what with the new writers and all.

So this is going to be the wrestling motherload… Ask B.a.D, Upgrade / Downgrade, Bullet Tips, On B.a.D-Notice, the whole 9 yards, and let’s see if we can’t cover everything.


Let’s start with the tried, tested and true…
Ask B.a.D: The REAL Franchise (aka: Shane Douglas sucks)


Q: Anonymous said...

My buddy and I we're arguing... what’s the biggest pop EVER in pro wrestling?

A: Way too many come to mind, but in recent memory…
- Hulk Hogan at WM21
- Hulk Hogan at Backlash the month after
- Hulk Hogan “Hulks up” on The Rock during comeback at WM-X8
- Bret Hart’s music tease with Shawn Michaels in the ring in Montreal
- Eddie Guererro wins world title
- Ric Flair’s return to Nitro in 1998
- Chris Jericho’s jump to WWE (not sure why it was that big, but it was)
- Shawn Michaels return to WWE to join nWo with Kevin Nash
- HHH’s 2002 return from quad tear
- DX Re-unites (X-high-five) last Monday on RAW.
- Tazz debuts in WWE at Royal Rumble 2000



Q: What’s the best way to piss wrestlers off at a live event?

A: All events are live.

You could hit the wrestler, that would piss ‘em off.

I don’t expect you’d walk out of the building though.



Q: Anonymous said...
Triple H getting beat down for most of the match because they outnumbered him only to come back and beat them off with a sledgehammer. that's what all of RAW is like right now: All hype, no delivery. Even a Umaga title shot would be better than this. Give him the belt, let him run with it. There's no way it could be this bad.

A: Sure it could. Umaga sucks. Hey, let's make a generic samoan savage with a generic Cuban cigar-lovin' manager the focus of a major wrestling show! That'd be fun! Umaga could go "URGH, ROAR" on Johnny Nitro one week! Next week he'll do the same thing to Val Venis! That's some intriguing character development there!

And of course, everything wrong with wrestling is Triple H’s fault right now. Are there actually people out there who actually still think that after this long? Yes, of course, it’s all Triple H. We can’t blame Triple H enough for existing.

Listen carefully.

Triple H.
Is not.
The pucking.
Froblem.



Q: Anonymous said...
question for ASK BADI enjoyed seeing the old Kane return, as I was a big fan of Kane's days with the mask. If anybody can refreshen Kane's character, it's himself from the past!

A: What’s that wet, warm liquid leaking out of my ear?

Oh, that’s blood. My brain just broke.

You blockhead. Yeah, that'd make a ton of money, it truly would. Having a slow-moving mort with a softball fetish axehandle Kane to death. Then again, I don't fantasy book, and I think I'd be mentally disturbed if I did.



Q: Anonymous said...
Why the hell is the new ECW show being broadcast on *SCIFI*?

A: I imagine it involved a dump truck full of money.




Q: Anonymous said...
The only heel on the entire show who isn't a chicken is Umaga.

A: That’s only because Umaga would probably eat a live chicken.

And seriously, more Umaga!??! What the hell, wrestling fans??? What is it with you guys and Umaga lately?

Wrestling may be thankfully on a much-needed upswing right now, but this is why it was and kind of still is getting embarrassing to be a wrestling fan for a while. They’re not going to realize that some of the shit they’re throwing on TV is just that (shit) if you morons keep eating it up. Oooh, look! He has tribal patterns on his face and stuff! How mildly diverting!

Either that, or wrestling fans are all retarded except for me these days, and I’m leaning more towards the latter with evidence like this.

That settles it. Umaga is now my “get the hell off my TV” hate figure for the month.



Bullet Tips: All Things Extreme (ECW)

This is going to be the bulk of this column. With ECW hype basically dominating the industry these days, TNA included, and the news of ECW coming back full time surprising everyone, this is easily the most important thing happening in wrestling right now, weather it turn out for better or worse.

• Some people would say that WWE should not start a third brand when it seems like they can’t even run one properly. This point certainly has merit, however this is not just any brand… this is ECW, which could negate that first point. But what could negate my point is that while it may be ECW, it is going to be WWE-run, regardless of what you see on TV and regardless of how Heyman and Dreamer are “in-charge” of it, if it’s WWE owned now, which it is, that means Vince McMahon has final say. Period. I sure hope that it turns out for the better, wrestling needs a rejuvenation right now and this could possibly be it. But weather or not they “should have started it” is something only time can tell. Hopefully it turns out positive.


• Some people are saying they don’t know why WWE is handling the clusterfuck with the RAW title right now between Cena, RVD, and Edge. The reason is simple… WWE is trying to use ECW to get all the ratings up. Mark my words, ECW will have a something to do with SmackDown sometime soon too. So it’s really not a bad idea, it’s actually kinda smart… or it could be really sad to see ECW get dragged down to that level. It will eventually become a joke and even the ECW faithful will turn on ECW and Heyman if they feel that Heyman has sold out and prostituted the ECW brand. You could make either argument. The biggest problem as I see it was not the match quality of the Cena / RVD match. Anyone who thought that match should have been “so much better” has never seen Cena wrestle. (Ditto for Angle / Orton.) The real problem was the ending… ECW, weather it’s being used to try to bolster ratings for all the other EFCW shows, does not need a champion who needs someone else’s help to beat John Cena, that’s insulting to RVD given his wrestling ability.


• Sabu and Mysterio was off the hook, match of the night. Sad to see it end premature, but at least Rey’s all right.


• The deathmatch was pretty nuts.


• Tajiri and Crazy against The FBI was cool too.


• The Sandman needs his “Enter Sandman” Metallica song. Stupid WWE for not paying for the rights, or stupid Metallica for not being willing to sell the rights. I haven’t decided.


• They will need to put actual ECW Wrestling on the new ECW Wrestling show if they’re going to expect to retain and expand the ECW Wrestling audience. Otherwise, the ECW faithful will turn on it and then you have a huge mess.

I don’t think it’s going to go so well with ECW. I hope I’m wrong, but I don’t think I am… which leads us to what I hope and believe could be the savior of pro wrestling for the decade…

Upgrade / Downgrade: And So To TNA- The Great White Hope

All right, I’m running out of gas real qucking fuick here. Let’s do this as quick and painless as possible. I think TNA has the potential to overtake WWE very soon, but there’s so much to write about that this could be annoying. Right in my balls with this, TNA, right in my balls.


Can't Spell "Transition" Without TNA

What a clever headline. Oh, what the hell. Extra upgrade for me!

TNA is a in a transition period right now, and they seem to have gotten the notion that they need to look toward the future.

Thus, the move toward Samoa Joe to main events. Joe has been beating main-eventers left and right, and the only logical place for him to go now is to the top. I imagine it won’t be long before Joe is world champion, and good on him. He deserves it. I love Samoa Joe. He instills fear in my heart.

A.J. Styles and Christopher Daniels should join him soon, hopefully… they have moved these 2 to the tag team division, and I imagine they will be champion soon. This is good because the tag division has been more than a little boring over the last couple years… bringing some “X”, or some “new generation” into it will help.

So basically, it looks like, hopefully, they’re sprinkling a lot of new generation guys, or “X” guys over all aspects of TNA. This is a good thing, a very good thing. TNA needs to move towards the future if they want to seriously consider competing with WWE. No matter how much better TNA already is than WWE right now, they need to continue to get better if they want people to notice them.

All this gets a ridonkulously huge upgrade if it happens… but who knows. I believe it would be the best move, but I’m interested in what you guys think… about all of this, not just the TNA stuff, so feel free to comment as usual.


Kevin Nash’s Stroll Through The X Division

A lot of people are pissed that Nash is putting down the X Division. What these people are failing to realize, is that Nash buried the X Division in an interview, yes… but it was on TV. Anyone thinking his comments we’re legit should have been tipped off right there. That means it’s part of a storyline.

Now, for those pissed about the storyline, you must see that if Nash goes into the X Division, he’s going to lose. I’m one of the very few Nash fans still out there, but even I know that. This is simple – Nash is going to the X Division to get one of their stars over. I assumed it would be AJ, Daniels, or Joe, which have been the staples of the division in recent years, but apparently Sabin gets the rub. That’s a good thing, Sabin is damn good enough to be considered one of the best of that division.

Nash has taken a lot of heat for allegedly holding wrestlers down over the years, so the fact that he’s willing to put guys smaller, younger, and much less experienced than him, over, plus the fact that this will, weather people like it or not, get the X Division way more over than it currently is and deserves to be, gets a huge upgrade.

Sabin should be the staple of the new X Division after this, along with Low-Ki (“Senshi”, my ass), Alex Shelley, Petey Williams, Jay Lethal, Sonjay Dutt, and… uhhh…


… Oh Yeah! It’s Been 4 Months… Do You Know Where Your Austin Aries Or Your Roderick Strong Is?

Enough said. F*ck, if you’re gonna have a new X-Division, and expand it to the whole of TNA, which is what should be done, then these two should be here, they’re more than good enough, and they’re two of my favourites.

Or, they could make them a team and have them help bring some new generation to the hopefully-new tag division.

Either way, until they bring them back… downgrade.



There’s a lot of “hopefully” sprinkled throughout this jelly doughnut of a column, isn’t there? Well, ECW has the potential to not suck and TNA has the potential to take an already-better-than-WWE/ECW show and make it better so that people can realize that.

Nothing would be better for wrestling than two huge boom periods in a decade, and that should happen in the next couple years if it’s going to happen anytime soon.

Time will tell.
Tucking fired,
B.a.D