Try sleeping in B.a.D

I figure I'd make a post that goes all over the place. All over like a cheap whore on welfare Wednesday. Ok that was pretty gross of me... ah fuck it, I'm gonna leave that in there. So here we go for a little journey.

I found B.a.D, he was hiding out in a souvenir shop. I almost didn't recognize him because he was wearing this awful hat likely crawling with lice. But when he saw me and tried to hide behind the till that was being attended by this old grumpy cuss of a lady his reaction was all to familiar.

*B.a.D looking dude with lice hat hides*
Old cuss: *grumble* reeeegghhhh *hack hack* regggghheeerrrreegghhhhh
B.a.D looking dude with lice hat: Oh I'm sorry I didn't see you there nice lady. I hope you forgive me for this mistake, it was simply a joke that went to far with my dear friend mizzle who's standing over there. *huge smile displaying respect for the elderly*
Old cuss: *grumble* rreeegggghhhhh errrggghhhhhh reeeeggsssss kids.
B.a.D: *walks away as smile disapears he mumbles under his breath* miserable fuckin bitch. Why doesn't she go dig a whole in one of the mountain sides and live like the rest of the fuckin cave people.

So there he was, the B.a.D that we all know. He's there folks, believe me he's still there. He's just got this fake little cover on. Nah I'm kidding. Anyway, he's responsible for the picture, so don't hound me for the pic of him wearing the hat. But I guess I could let you know that fun was had by all and he's probably at home plotting his next wacky adventure.

Ok wait I need to flame him some more before I move on here. Remember I mentioned how he's always awake and running at full speed even when I'm up at 5 ish for work. Well it was a fricken Sunday, and I was a little behind due to paving on Glenmore Trail. Did I mention it was Sunday... the day that I know as the international sleep in day? Well anyway, I get there and he's got a coffee and a bagel and he's ready to go. And so I'm thinking well shit, now I want something to eat. So after a little bit of convincing we go back to Tim's and we hit the road. I have to include that our significant others were with us so we were behaving a little bit. But anyway, the road trip continues with some talking and laughing, upon which I learned that B.a.D had been up already for so long that he was at the point where he was considering watching a movie!

I have to start a new paragraph to fit this flame show in. A freakin MOVIE! Wholly good golly miss fuckin molly! Who would be up so early that all of their priorities have been spent and they were not so far down the list of things to do that they were considering a movie! Think of this with me... You wake up you want to do this...
1. Shower
2. Eat
3. Read paper/watch news
4. Stretch?
5. Yawn
6. Wholly shit I'm almost late because I got up with just enough time to get ready so that I could maximize my sleep!

WRONG

Apparently I forgot these steps
2. (b) Go for run before it gets too hot.
(c) Lift weights.
(d) Take dog for walk.
(e) Wash car
(f) Go grocery shopping so I'm over prepared for the upcoming road trip.
(g) Read a novel.
(h) Write a novel.

So as we're driving, I look in the very back to my suprise, well not really, but some communication would be nice. I notice there's about $400 worth of groceries and 3 back packs and possibly a tent.

Mizzle: What the fuck is all of this?
B.a.D: Oh it's stuff in case we get lost.
Mizzle: Lost? Where the fuck are we going?
B.a.D: Banff!
Mizzle: You know we're not the first ones to go to Banff right?
B.a.D: What do you mean?
Mizzle: I mean there's street signs and maps and people there. We're not going to get lost!
B.a.D: Well you never know what's going to happen.
Mizzle: Well I guess I don't seeing as how our phone conversation including you asking me to go to Banff and didn't say anything about packing food for some reason or packing swim suits, or tents or whatever the hell else you have in this car.
B.a.D: Well I didn't really think of it until this morning.
Mizzle: Why the hell weren't you sleeping this morning?
B.a.D: I will turn this car right around!
Mizzle: Really? Is that all it's going to take?

Oh the rant isn't finished yet. For those of you ever thinking or wishing or dreaming of going on a road trip with B.a.D... for the love of god, DRIVE YOURSELF! This guy has been on the roads for roughly 9 years and has somehow survived on blind luck and chance. I kid you not. I remember the first time we went somewhere I thought I was going to be that kid you read about in the paper who got nailed at an intersection due to improper merging. 3 years later I thought I was the kid you would read about who got creamed on Deerfoot only to read further that I had spent my 9 lives at every other intersection between the time I got in the car to the time I was road kill on Deerfoot. (Deerfoot is like a freeway for those American readers. For our East coast readers it's "a really big road")

So we're driving along, and coming down the ramp, and I look to my side and see cars on every corner of the vehicle. B.a.D has the blinders on so I grip the oh shit bar a little bit. I'm trying not to alarm him because his luck needs to not be interupted. We get near the lane and it's time to merge so B.a.D starts to enter the lane, and then he adjusts the radio and remembers to signal, then he looks at his mirror (he's half in the other lane) and the car that had been there for the last 5 minutes suprises him! I'm not kidding! Can you imagine that? You've been driving in this straight path for at least 1 whole minute with no change in traffic conditions and when it's ALMOST too late you're SUPRISED by a car that has been there the whole time? Good fucking mess in my pants I actually kissed the ground when I got home. I'm in no way fudging this story either.

So B.a.D family, I'm sorry that I didn't drive the vehicle just so that you'd know it wasn't undergoing some serious stress from over correcting etc. But at that same time I wanted to let you know you have one of the luckiest people in your family. But don't run out and buy him a lottery ticket though! He's already used up all of his luck and any other future luck he may need has been spoken for by the good people of the world who share the road with him.

Well I planned on talking about a lot more then this, but it's already 10:09 and I feel terrible that some of you have nothing to do.

So I'm posting it this way. I will write more soon.

*Update* There may or may not be a B.a.D post (maybe even 2 of them) that I have read through. So you guys are lucky he hasn't called it quits! I dare you to ask me what they're about or what kind of post they are. Cause you know if you do I'll ruin your family get togethers and tell you that Santa isn't real!

Mizzle