Breaking The Monotony

Well, in case you haven’t noticed, I’m back. And if you didn’t know I was back, then let me tell you, it’s time to start tuning in again, dude.

It seems this vacation that I took has brought out a semi-vacation from the rest of the crew, but that’s how it goes. If we don’t feel like writing, we don’t write. In any case, if you’ve been coming here regularly you know that I write at least once a week when I’m on-season, so at least look forward to that regularity.

So let’s break the monotony, at least until next week or whenever Mizzle and myself mutate this place into an Arrested Development memorial fansite. dibsonmaebe.com sounds like a catchy name for a site, doesn’t it?



Brangelina News

In a story reported by MSNBC.com, Brad Pitt said that he and Angelina Jolie will not marry until all couples can.

He didn’t go on to report the fact that he was actually probably talking about the legalization of gay marriage. But no matter what the press says, the fact that he didn’t mention it did not make him come off as a ditz or as someone too scared to actually pick a side. He might lose that way. And Brad Pitt cannot lose, dammit. If Brad Pitt loses, all hope is lost for all of us. For society. For the planet. For the universe.

That fact aside, as well as the fact that neither Brad nor Angelina have ever spoken out for gay marriage aside, the world is truly blessed to have such martyrs as celebrities. The world was silent with respect when this story broke.

I was all “what the fuck”, and “where did this come from”, but after that, I was silent with respect too.

Kudos.

Mizzle Sez:
Respects all around, but I have to say in defence of the minions like me... I wish that "stars" would stop acting like deities. Do you think some high up is going to be like "Oh gee, I wish that Brad would marry her already... maybe I'll pass a bill just so they can have what they want". Give me a freakin break, do you think anyone really cares that much about if you marry her or not Mr.Pitt? Get over yourself. You did a good job in fightclub being cool and hardcore. Stear your career as far away from going down with the likes of Jennifer Lopez. Which now that I think of it might be a bad example since Brad might go out on his moral high horse, while Jay-Lo went out on her knees and sometimes her back... yeah that's right... regardless Mr.Pitt... don't be a dick.


Why Fat Dumpy Fans Shouldn’t Attack Wrestlers

So I downloaded a Ring Of Honor event to watch today. Homicide beats the crap out of some guy in a pretty good match, and he’s out there with the rest of The Rotweillerz, Low-Ki, Ricky Reyes and Rocky Romero.

After the match, Homicide is on the mic doing your basic heel stuff, insulting the hometown crowd about baseball. F Red Sox, Yankees rule, essentially. This is when it gets interesting. Some fat slumpy fuck of a fan decides to jump the rail and get in the ring. Homicide sees it coming, waits for him to get up, and then just bitch-slaps this asshole down. Once on the ground, Ricky Reyes puts him in some kind of keylock choke to incapacitate him while Homicide and Romero are putting the boots to him. Low-Ki then shows up and throws some kicks as well.

Security finally gets the fan out of the ring and he’s walking towards the back and then out of nowhere, at 700 MPH, Low Ki runs up and duffs the fan in the back of the head with a donkey punch. It clearly knocks the piss out of the fan and Low Ki along with the rest of the Rotwillerz continue kicking/punching the stuffing out of this fat turkey.

Whether it was a shoot or a work or whatever, it certainly looked real and was apparently pulled off of DVD this show was on, so it’s probably actually legit, otherwise they would have never pulled something that cool off the official DVD. They at least made it look good if it wasn’t. The point is, I love watching Low-Ki beat the shit out of fat dumpy fans. Low Ki was not held enough as a child.



Bert – Ernie = Madness

On the houseboat, my buddy Dan tried to tell me that Ernie from Seasme Street was killed off the show a couple years ago. That he got ran over by Grover or something. I’m not one to use net abbreviations on the site, but if I we’re, you’d see a big bolded and underlined “WTF” right about now.

First of all, someone died on Seasme Street? Second of all, fucking Grover of all people killed him? What have they done to Seasme Street since I watched it? That shit would have desensitized me (more so) if that had happened when I was little. I once made a bunch of movers leave the TV until last when they we’re unloading the house so I could watch Seasme Street. And I was 6.

And breaking up the team of Bert and Ernie? I had like 16 goldfish named after those two. Wouldn’t Ernie dying mean Bert would be all alone? Bert can’t be all alone. It’s Bert and Ernie. That’s the deal. That’s how it goes. There’s no “Bert”. It’s “Bert and Ernie”. Can you imagine what that would have done to me at age 6, seeing Ernie die? I probably would have killed all the Ernie fish so that the show would be in sync with my fish tank.

And then a couple years later I’d be one of those scary, angry, disturbed children and end up playing with toy machine guns instead of Ninja Turtles in my room while my parents listened outside the doorway with worried looks on their faces.
B.a.D, Age 6, Post-Ernie-Vehicular-Manslaughter:
* making machine gun noises * Eh-eh- eh- eh- eh- eh- eh- eh- eh- eh- eh- eh- eh- eh!!!!!!! Take that Grover!!!!!! Eh-eh- eh- eh- eh- eh- eh- eh- eh- eh- eh- eh- eh- eh!!!!!!! Run down Ernie with your Volvo, will you?!?!? Eh-eh- eh- eh- eh- eh- eh- eh- eh- eh- eh- eh- eh- eh!!!!!!! Take that Mom!!!!!!! Eh- eh- eh- eh- eh- eh- eh- eh- eh- eh- eh- eh- eh- eh!!!!!! Take that Dad!!!!!! Eh- eh- eh- eh- eh- eh- eh- eh-!!!!!! Send me to a psychiatrist, will you?!?!?! Eh- eh- eh- eh- eh- eh- eh- eh- eh-!!!!!! Take that, Doctor Johnstone!!!!!! Eh- eh- eh- eh- eh- eh- eh- eh- eh- eh- eh- eh-!!!!!!

And why the hell would Grover run over Ernie? Did Ernie stumble upon Grover and Mr. Hooper’s grow op or something?

The target audience for Seasme Street are kids aged 2-6, and kids that age have no concept of death. Between the ages of 2 and 6, my biggest fear was that my parents we’re going to leave me at the grocery store. Death? I don’t buy that. Not for a second.

Phew. Sorry. Apparently I wasn’t prepared for how passionately I’d be speaking about this topic. I just saw a grassy field and a blue cloudy sky, and I just about laid down and took a nap. But I’m back now.

Grover, if this is true, I’m coming for you, you gangly little muppet. Puppet. Whatever.



Previously mentioned Ask B.a.D is in the works. ‘Till then.

God Bless,
B.a.D


B.a.Dism:
Every passing minute is another chance to turn it all around.

Song For Today:
Eric Prydz- Call On Me



Mizzle Sez:
Not to be "that guy" B.a.D... but when I was young... I can't remember how old... but I used to lay awake at night scared as scared can be about dieing... haha. I was such a nerd. But I used to sit up and ask my mom about it, I can only imagine what was going through her head... I of course was probably closer to six and older but still, some of us lunatics actually had these issues. Then I realized several years later in various dirt bike and car accidents, that I actually can't die. I'm like one of those boys from Tuck Everlasting. Except way cooler... obviosuly. But yeah Sesame Street... you should be ashamed of yourself. I'll have you to thank when the children brought up around you are robbing me in 15 years.

But think of this... how messed up would it be if they realized they messed up, and brought him back... goodness how the world would collapse around us. I gotta go.

Mizzle