Mojito = Oprah Rant

Hello children!

So the lovely Aleta and myself went to Joey Tomatoes with Leah and Dano tonight, and something happens that rarely happens. I have my favorite drink of all time.

The Mojito.

That’s right, the Mojito. The reason it’s my favorite drink yet I barely ever drink it is because it has tequila in it.

B.a.D + tequila = trouble.

Sometimes when I’m really drunk, I start to refer to Mojito as if it was a person. “Oh Mojito, what have you done to me?” “Oh Mojito, I can still taste you.” Et cetera, et cetera.

Anyways, Aleta has gone home because she has to work early in the morning. I suppose the smart thing to do would be for me to go to bed too… right? Wrong.

Stay up and watch a full disc of South Park and write something angst-ridden for the site? You damn skippy.

So y’all might remember that little post I did on Oprah a little while back. Well, when Katastrophe added her piece to it, she linked to an actual website where people are trying to get Oprah elected as the next President of the United States…

I will repeat that. Oprah Winfrey. For President. Of the United States.

I must admit, I bookmarked it. And I’ve looked at it. And…

Well, I’ll let you judge.
http://www.dreamagic.com/oprah

And a comment section there is! Goody! These are ACTUAL COMMENTS from that site. Check them out:

Let's make history like it's never been made before. This country needs an overhaul. Oprah is the American we need to get the job done.
Miguel Angel - Carrollton, TX

Well, it would be making history like it’s never been made before, that is for sure. In terms of reaching a new low, anyways.

Oprah is not the American you need to get the job done. Oprah would anchor the U.S. straight to the bottom of the Pacific Ocean, boring deep into the liquid hot magma core of the Earth.


I have a high regard for her talents!
Pastor - Denver, CO

I high a high regard for Arnold Schwarzenegger’s talents, but there’s no way I would elect that Neanderthal the leader of anything, let alone a state, Can you even imagine him running a country? “ME DROP BOMB ON IRAN. TERRORISTS DIE. THAT GOOD.”
And don’t give me that “it’s not the same thing” shit. They’re both celebrities. It couldn’t be more the same.

Although, you’re right. I have a high regard for her talents too. Unless you’re talking about PUMPING GAS, of course.


I think that is an awesome ideal and all ladies of American feel the same way .It would be so powerful to watch a true leader go to work and get the job done. Men blow it for us as ladies now it's time to show who is in charge. I would love to volunteer at peace.
Tina - Palmdale, CA

Yes, 100% of all the ladies of “American” feel the same way. All of them. Across the board. We men are blowing it for you as ladies.

And you want to “volunteer for peace”? What the blue hell does that mean?


I agree with your choice of Presidential candidates for 2008 - I would also strongly recommend Dennis Haysbert, someone who, as an actor, is more Presidential than any President since JFK.
Kurt H. - Milwaukie, OR

It’s pretty bad when the idea of nominating an actor JUST BECAUSE HE PLAYED A PRESIDENT ON TV is actually BETTER than the idea of nominating the person who the website wants to name president.


Oh Oprah. She's something isn't she! She's an angel to many and if she becomes President which I believe she has all the potential to do so. She will succeed! She gives Americans hope. I think she will win and I will help out in any way I can to make that happen just tell me when and where and I'll be there! Good Luck Oprah!!!! :)
Amber - Albuquerque, NM

What the diary cow did Oprah give this woman? Good God, why don’t you just glue your lips to her ass already.


I've felt for a long time that she should be our president of the U.S. but didn't know how to contact her to make that suggestion. I've found a couple of sites that I wanted to make the suggestion but they were filled with messages from people asking her for monetary help...which most of us "low to middle class people" could use. I didn't want my message to her go unnoticed by her on that kind of site. So glad I found this site to get the message out & try to convince her to run. I'm absolutely confident that she would win hands down!!!!
Jody - Easton, PA

So… you would like to help, but only if she knows it’s you specifically and only if you don’t have to give up anything whatsoever.
Got it.

That’s kind of like me, Jody. You see, I’ve been wanting to donate to help a child in Africa, but I want Africa to specifically acknowledge me by name and I don’t want to have to give up a single dollar or any of my time or possessions whatsoever.


It is very difficult to put everything about Oprah Winfrey in words, if I choose to put it all in words, I can continue to write from now, for the next twenty years, I will never finish writing about her, talk about what she contribute to the communities, not only in Unite State, but throughout the whole World, she had done immensely the impossible. First of all, I would like to ask this questions and possibly answer the question to the best of my ability, "WHO IS OPRAH WINFREY", some people might start by talking only about her autobiography, or her accomplishment, well and good, But I will like to start my comment by saying she is an angel Created by GOD, honestly an angel in disguise, sometime I wondered, if she actually knew what she is, but I bet you, she wouldn't know, because, her quality came from GOD, and no person should ever try to question, because if you do, then GOD surely will definitely reveal HIMSELF to whomever, as it was described, she is a PHEN! rey volunteer, I will travel anywhere if required.......look f! forward t o hearing from you soon
James - Canal Winchester, OH

…

… oh my goodness, wow, holy shit and what the fuck.

I can actually * hear * the sanity being flushed counter-clockwise straight down the shitter.

I can’t even begin on this one, or time would shrivel up into a ball and completely lack for boredom as it waits for ITSELF to pass. I’d be dead asleep on the keyboard, drool hanging from the corners of my mouth, dreaming of electrocution.

Doesn’t sound so bad now that I think of it. Next.


I just love oprah and want her to be involved in my life in every way possible. having her as a president would make my life complete. please call me at anytime to let me know if there is anything that i can help with!
Jeff - 75275, TX

Well, I sure hope that there’s only one “Jeff” in that area code of Texas, or he will miss his chance to have Oprah involved in his life in every way possible!

Oh well, Jeff isn’t that common a name, is it?

Fuck Oprah, buddy. You need Dr. Phil.


Have we persuaded Oprah to run yet? If not, when are we going to?
Melinda Sue - Johnson City, TN

No, you haven’t. And you never will.


I'm an I.T. guy...from website work to PC-network support. Anything I can do from that perspective, just let me know!
Marshall - Boydton, VA

Thanks Marshall, but typing on a shitty website volunteering your useless opinion for a woman who has no political experience or clout whatsoever will do nicely for now.


YES! I would vote for OPRAH... I'm thinking that before she would be convinced to run, that she would need to know that a knowledgeable "cabinet" of advisors would support her, so that she could function successfully right out of the gate in the political structure that exists in Washington. Who would these people be? How do we get them on board? AN ASIDE: ARNOLD should be her running mate!... OH! I KNOW! Maria Schriver would be an excellant advisor/organizer and, since she is a friend of Oprah s', the perfect supporter to convince her to run. I truly believe that a woman will save this country, and I intended to vote for Hillary, even though I'm not a democrat...Oprah, however, with the right advisors, would be the best choice in 08! AHA!
Cynthia - Rogers, AR

YES!

ARNOLD should be her running mate! He’s another celebrity who has launched an extremely successful and experienced career as a politician! “Are you kidding me, I’ve been watching FOX News, he’s doing great!” No wrinkles there whatsoever during the celebrity / politician transition, and if there’s ever been an inspiration why celebrities make excellent politicians, ARNOLD is it!!!

And I know how he could convince her to run!!! He could bring her a gift!!!
“I BRING YOU DEAD ANIMAL. I TIGER BOMB IT MYSELF.”

OH! I KNOW! I know that you don’t have to type every word going through your head!

AHA! Maria Schriver! Great idea!!! Insert a “that just might be the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard” funny comment here!


I'm an American citizen living in Canada. I wanted to that one already exists. I would like to participate I'm not sure what is defined by research or contact work, but I would like to be involved. thanks sharon.
Sharon - Kitchener, NS

What the fuck??? How are you an American citizen living in Canada without at least having dual citizenship???

You “wanted to that one already exists”??? What the fuck is that???

You’re “not sure what is defined by research or contact work”??? What the fuck does that mean???

And why are you thanking YOURSELF, Sharon???

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRGH SO MANY QUESTIONS!!!!! MY BRAIN IS EATING ITS WAY OUT THE BACK OF MY EYES!!!!!!!

… I think this is so nucking futs that the insanity is staring to pull me into itself… no… must resist… must not… become… part of… the insanity…

No…… it’s winning……… arrrrrrggggg……..

I WANT TO VOLUNTEER FOR PEACE!!!!!!


If she is serious i will work my fingers to the bone to get her in office. it's funny I said years ago way before bush was in office that the best choice for president would be oprah for pres. and whoopee G. for vice... and that would matter as well who would vice? She is so balance I know she'd take the lead for us....
Susala - Npr, FL

“Whoopee G. for vice”???
“and that would matter as well who would vice?”???
“She is so balance”???

What the fuck?

Yeah, you’re one balance voter, Susala.



All right, I would respond to some more, and believe me there are more, but I need to go and volunteer for peace.
Whoopee G. for vice!
B.a.D

Mizzle Sez:

Seems like all I'm doing lately is throwing in my 2 cents at the end of posts... oh wait, that's because that is all I'm doing.

I was thinking of a million things to say about those fools from that site... but I think that B.a.D pretty much trampled all of them over and made them his bitch. It scares me that some of those people actually have the power to vote... maybe there should be a test you have to take in order to gain that right. A test like, well... maybe sort of an IQ test, but much deeper... as in... what are your beliefs about real-life intelligence vs. on the screen intelligence? You know what I mean?

This is all I'm going to say about it and hear it is...

Oprah is doing things for people that seem to really hit a lot of soft spots. We're thankful for her helping out where she can as it is all to often you see celebs that don't. But give me a fucking break. She's not going to save the earth. She's not going to end hunger, or create world peace. She buys a family that's down on their luck some time in the game of life by helping with chores or housing or schooling or financing or even just some advice... this is all done as an act of kindness, and extension of popularity and of course... ENTERTAINMENT.

People who watch these types of shows love to see that their life isn't so miserable afterall, so they tune in and see who's got it worse, and a person makes it better, and we all go to bed feeling good. Thinking that someday that poorly painted remodeled grey-hound will show up on our front lawn and drive over the sprinkler, to bring us some fortune.

Now don't take this as an attack. If you watch this show or shows like it... believe me there's millions of them, then you're not alone. I have even been known to watch shows like it from time to time. You're not a bad person for doing so, you're not bad for even feeling emotionally lifted (or drained) after watching them. All I ask is identify the time the tv is on and the time the tv is off. At the end of the day you put down the remote and all that has to disapear as your power bill is still in the mail, your vehicle is still making that noise, and your house is still that color.

Anyway I could go on but choose not to revisit this topic ever again. That will make it go away just like the suggestion of Oprah for anything other then tv host should have.

Mizzle