... And The Lord Taketh Away

* Begin Scene *


* Fade into the B.a.D LiveJournal Season 8 Premiere Party. Hundreds of people are in the B.a.Dcave dancing. *

* OziStyle walks in with some of her friends. *

Heyyyy, Ozi, how’s it going?

Very well. This party turned out really good! Are Miz and Kat here yet?

Yeah, Mizzle’s over there giving his big sexual harassment speech.

* Ozi looks over, Mizzle is standing on a stage in front of a crowd of people. *

… and all our families and friends are here, so please refrain from discussing or engaging in any sort of inter-family *BLEEP*ing or *BLEEP*ing, or finger-*BLEEP*ing or *BLEEP*sting, or even dry-*BLEEP*ing, and especially not *BLEEP*blasting.

* Everyone is staring at Mizzle, onstage, shocked and wide-eyed… *

* Looking directly at B.a.D’s sister… *
Even though SO MANY PEOPLE in this room are BEGGING for it.

* B.a.D’s parents both leave to go buy a gun. *
And if ANYONE… does ANYTHING with the B.a.Dcrew girls… I’ll take off my pants… I’ll shave my *BEEP*s… and I’m personally gonna *BEEP* all of you in the *BEEP*.

* B.a.D is shaking his head as B-Rush walks in. *

Hey B.a.D, have you seen Katastrophe?

I think she hooked up with someone…



* Fade in to Katastrophe making out with a man in her room. Unfortunately for her, this man was an assassin sent by O.s.H, a fact Katastrophe might have realized if she hadn’t been drinking Crown Royal. *

* She reaches over to lock the door. *

We’re gonna have some ground rules first, OK? No *BLEEP BLEEP*, no *BLEEPING*, but a little bit of *BLEEP*sting is OK. But no *BLEEP* unless you’re wearing a *BLEEP* or you *BLEEP BLEEP*. And if this winds up on the web, I will *BLEEP* you in the *BLEEP*.

Suicide Bomber: … I have buried a family that I killed in the womb of a dead camel, and you are disgusting even me!

Ooooh, dirty talk!

Suicide Bomber: You know, I think you just putting your hands up and being my hostage will do nicely.
* Raises his gun. *



* Fade into the main room. The Suicide Bomber emerges from Katastrophe’s room, holding a gun to Katastrophe’s head. He opens his trench coat, revealing a ton of dynamite strapped to his chest. *

Suicide Bomber: EVERYONE DOWN!!!

* B.a.D and Mizzle reach for the guns in their pocket, and the Suicide Bomber grabs Katastrophe by the hair and heads for the roof. *

Let’s get him!!!

OziStyle, B-Rush, get everyone out of here!!!

Right!!!
Be careful!!!

* B.a.D and Mizzle chase the suicide bomber onto the roof, as the Suicide Bomber turns around and holds up his detonator to the grenades strapped to his chest in one hand, and a gun to Katastrophe’s head in the other hand. *

Drop your weapon!!!
Put it down!!!

* Takes grenade out of pocket. *
O.s.H’s Suicide Bomber: No, YOU put it down… or I will blow all of us to kingdom come… in O.s.H’s name.

Great. He’s with O.s.H. Now him AND G.g.B are after us.

That looks like a M26 grenade. What does that give us, like five seconds after he pulls the pin?

Eight.

* OziStyle and B-Rush emerge onto the roof. *

It’s an M26 caliber, dude. That’s a FIVE second delay.

Can you just trust me on this, please?

What, ‘cause of all the experience you have lobbing pineapples back in the Nam?

Um, hello…

* Lowers gun and turns to Mizzle. *
Hey, what do you gotta do that for?

Guys!!

“Cause I’m sick and tired of you always thinking you’re right!!!

O.s.H’s Suicide Bomber: Um, hello… keep your eye on the guy with the hand grenade holding one of your own hostage!

Yes. Please.

That’s because I AM always right!!!

What the hell are you two doing?!? He has Katastrophe!!!

I know we’re all a little bit on edge from outing two demons trying to destroy each other, us, and the rest of the world and we’re not exactly popular as a result, and I realize that’s put us all a little bit on EDGE, but if we can’t have a CIVILIZED conversation as to the delay on that man’s hand grenade, then I QUIT!!! I mean, how are we supposed to disarm the guy if we don’t even have consensus on how long it takes before we all go boom?!?!

O.s.H’s Suicide Bomber: Oh, you’re gonna disarm ME?!?!

SHUT UP!!! Was I talking to you?!?!

There you go AGAIN, man… why don’t you just listen to the man with the HAND GRENADE!!!

Lifelong friend being held hostage here…

Oh, now you’re on HIS side? Great, why don’t you just put your gun down and do exactly what the bad guy says then?!?!

FINE!!!
* Puts down gun. *
I need the rest anyways.

MIZZLE!!!

PICK. UP. THE. GUN!!! DO YOU HEAR ME?!?!?!

Yeah, listen to the ladies man, do you hear that? Pick the gun up!!!

I’m not picking my gun up!!!

O.s.H’s Suicide Bomber: It’s cool with ME if you don’t want to pick up the gun…

Alright, I don’t have time for any more of this shit…

* Katastrophe elbows the man in the groin, then slips out of his grasp. The others look over, startled... *

* B.a.D rushes the confused Suicide Bomber. He grabs the detonator out of his hand… *

HA! I got it!!!

* In an instant, Katastrophe feels a pain on her finger and looks down. She realizes that one of the grenade pins is stuck on her finger from wrestling her way out of the Suicide Bomber’s grip… she realizes what this means, and shouts to the others… *

GUYS!!! LOOK!!!

* Everyone looks over in horrified shock at the grenade pin on Katastrophe’s finger… *

SHIT!!!

O.s.H’s Suicide Bomber: Damn…

* Mizzle rushes the Suicide Bomber and pushes him over the roof… *


* Halfway to the ground, the suicide bomber’s live grenade explodes and triggers the others, a massive explosion engulfs the B.a.Dcave and rips through the building… *


* And the building collapses with the B.a.Dcrew on the roof… *


2 Minutes Later…


* The B.a.Dcrew is climbing out of the rubble of the building… Katastrophe and OziStyle are the first ones up, followed by B-Rush… *

Oh my God, you guys… the whole building collapsed…

FUCK!!! Our home!!! I can’t believe this!!!

It’s completely gone!!! Everything… there’s nothing left…

What about our friends and family inside!!!

We evacuated everyone before I joined you guys on the roof. Don’t worry.

* B.a.D and Mizzle emerge from the rubble... B.a.D looks at Mizzle, the two of them looking around at the destruction, having lived there longer than anyone… *

… well...

… yeah.

… I counted eight seconds.

Five.

What are you talking about? You have to add at least three seconds for the time you didn’t know the pin was out!

All right, ENOUGH!!! You know what, maybe living together for so long is what’s making us get on each other’s nerves. Maybe we all need vacations.

Yeah, great idea. Maybe Mizzle can go set free another demon on us.

Cool! And after that, Katastrophe can slut it up with some more SUICIDE BOMBERS!!!

That’s it. IT’S GO TIME!!!

* They lunge for each other. *

ENOUGH!!! B-Rush is right. The next place we find to live, we’ll just WORK there… we’ll have our separate homes. Until then, we all take a vacation from each other. Got it?

Good idea.

GREAT idea. I need a B.a.Dcation… OH GAWD, that’s how you know I need a vacation, I’m actually giving into the B.a.D-names now.

The bad news is that we don’t have the B.a.Dcave anymore. We need to find a new place…

Let me worry about that. I haven’t been here that long, and I might have an idea for a place we could use… but I have to check on some things first. You guys go rest.

* And so the B.a.Dcrew separated and went their separate ways. *


* End Scene *