Lord,
Please allow me to write this prayer down in the same words I would use to pray to you with my voice. And please do not let anyone be bothered by it, please let everyone who reads this know that I had never intended to make anyone uncomfortable. I’m just speaking my truth because I know it will set me free.
Please forgive me for the mistakes I’ve made. I am ashamed of some of the things I’ve done, but I am not ashamed of the things I’ve done to correct it. I am proud of who I am.
Thank you for forgiving me. Thank you for saving me. Thank you for coming into my life through Aleta last year.
Lord, even though I miss Aleta and sometimes I become weak, I thank you for the decision that we made to completely let it go. And I know we need not fear because of the same reason we gave it up in the first place, that if we are meant to be in your eyes, then we will still happen. And if we are not, then we will both be better for letting it go.
And what you gave me through Aleta was a gift that can never be taken away. And just because she is gone, I know that some people expect this faith to disappear. But that can never, and will never happen.
But this is not simply me continuing to have faith and will never falter. Lord, without Aleta, this is a challenge. It is a challenge I want to meet, but sometimes it is hard to not do the things that I used to. I know that if it we’re simply based on Aleta, then it wasn’t real faith, and that isn’t true. What I have is real faith, but I ask for strength and will to become everything that you have called me to do.
I pray for strength and discipline in my new job. That I simply won’t do what is the easiest or what is the best for my career… that I would do what I want to do. It is one thing to say that I want to be an example of right in a place where that is sorely lacking, it is another to carry that through when that time comes. I pray for your strength and will that I will be able to do that when the time comes.
I thank you for the two years I had with Peggy, Kathy, and the clubhouse. I learned more than I ever thought possible during those two years, and I made friends in that office that I will keep forever. I pray blessings on all of them, and thank you everything they gave me. I would not be where I am without them, and I will never forget what they have done for me. I thank you for their friendship and loyalty.
I thank you for all my friends. I thank you for Mizzle, who has never been standoffish or judgmental when it comes to my new faith despite not believing it himself, and has always been supportive and never afraid to tell me what I may not even want to hear in troubling times.
I thank you for Ashleigh offering to take me into her bible study and church group so that I will be around more people who share this faith, because that is as important to me as my friends without faith.
I thank you for my family for they are always there.
I pray that the people who know me would not be uncomfortable with my faith in you, that they would be supportive, like a Mizzle or an Amber has been. I pray that these people will know that what has happened to me has not made me a different person. I am still me. I am still B.a.D, and in fact I am so much better for what you have given to me. I am still just as funny or as fun or lack-thereof that I was before. I will not judge anyone for not believing what I believe, or push anything on anyone. For that would be religious, and I do not want to be religious. Your word speaks love for all life, which is what I have. Even those who would not believe these words or who would judge me on things that are untrue or in the past. I may have done some of the things they said I did Lord, but I am NOT who some people say I am.
So many blessings you have brought into my life. Even before I found you. Even before last year, I have always believed in you. I have always believed in the path you have laid out for me. What is different now is the amount of new faith and realizing how important a relationship with you is. I pray that in the upcoming year, that I keep that close to me, because that is what is real to me. Not just for the rest of the year, for the rest of my life.
Everything is so different now, but I know you are still with me. And as long as you are with me, I will know no fear. May I never forget that. You know my heart and even though I may stumble or falter or need strength sometimes, you know this is real to me, and that this is my truth.
And I thank you for it. And will for the rest of my life.
In Jesus name,
Amen.
Life Or Death
Live Or Die
I Will Never Live A Lie
I'm Gonna Get Because I Try
I Won't Quit Until I Die
I'm Gonna Make It, Wrong Or Right
Make It Through The Darkest Night
When The Morning Comes, You'll See
I Have God In Me
B.a.Dprayer I
