Warning: This post contains gratuitous use of the word "dick"

Editor's Note: I was able to use the word Dick 13 times in this post.

The great thing about Dick (1) Cheney is that I don't have to make up a nickname for him. I just get to call him Dick (2), and it can't even be considered an insult.

You remember Dick (3). He's the guy who used to own a company called Halliburton, a company who, when he was CEO, did business in the early 1990's with Iraq and Saddam Hussein. A man who we've been told, by the U.S. Government, of which Dick (4) is Vice President, was evil.

When Dick (5) left Halliburton, they paid him 31 million dollars to say thank you. Now he's the guy who is in charge of the U.S. energy policy. And he's doing it with 31 million dollars of oil company money.

Dick (6) is also the guy who disappeared for months to an "undisclosed location", came back on TV in 2003 the day after 9/11 and said "We're gonna go to war in Iraq!!! Ha ha ha ha ha!!!" Then he disappeared again. Then, they announced that the company who got the contract to take care of the oil fields in Iraq was Halliburton. That's really the type of thing they should attempt to keep hidden.

So we're in Iraq looking for nuclear weapons and we can't find them. Then, North Korea shows up and says "Ha ha ha ha ha! We've got everything we need to make nuclear weapons, suck my dick (7)!!! Ha ha ha ha ha!" So Dick (8) says "Well, we better negotiate with them." Let's invade the "evil" countries who we think have nuclear weapons, but negotiate with the "evil" countries who admit to have nuclear weapons.

And then, after a few more months, Dick (9) admits that they didn't find anything in Iraq, but Saddam Hussein was evil so it doesn't matter. Well, um, yes, it f*ckin does. If there wasn't a real reason to go into Iraq, then it wasn't a real war, and you can make up all the other reasons you want now. Today North Korea announced it will not negotiate to disarm, and all we hear from Dick (10) and his crack squad of saphy-motivated personnel is that we need to negotiate with them. Did we negotiate with Iraq? No.

North Korea says it won't disarm because they need protection against an increasingly hoostile U.S. Does that make sense to anybody else except me? They invaded 1 (you could make the argument for 2) countries who didn't have any nuclear weapons, and all signs indicate they will not be leaving soon. Why not protect yourself? Some would call it a good sense of pattern recognition.

Here's a thought, Dick (11). You want all countries who have nuclear weapons to disarm (sort of). So why do you, a country who has 2600 more nuclear weapons than anybody else, get to keep yours?

The moral of the story is: Don't be a dick (12), Dick (13).

The Mind Reels: Florida sends voting machines to Iraq.